The dating world is a complete mess and often times we end up finding complete a-holes buried in that mess.
Being that we tend to find these “no home-training”, “raised without an ounce of love”, and “raised on survival” type people, we then get discouraged and waste no time becoming a serial dater — disclosing way too much information on the first date.
But to keep your head in the game, you first need to stay focus and remember “less is more.”
Below are five (5) things you shouldn’t say or do on the first date because you think it will help you to score — newsflash, it won’t because you need to first feel your date out including intentions, goals, and aspirations.
1). Keep your Ex- talk to a minimum:
It’s fine to talk about past relationships because speaking about exes will put things into perspective like “okay, he or she was once heartbroken and willing to love again.” This speaks volumes to your date so that they will know how to proceed vice versa. And if the conversation stays on exes, your date will become uninterested and you may end up never seeing them again.
NOTE: “When people describe all of their exes as terrible, put all the blame on them for the relationship’s failure, then this is a red flag,” said Elinor Greenberg, a psychologist and author of “Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety.”
“It practically shouts: ‘I cannot take any responsibility for whatever went wrong. I have not learned anything from these relationships. It is totally up to you to make our relationship work.'”
2). Who’s texting you:
An important sign to look for when on a first date is signs of ‘jealousy.’
If you’re on a date and your phone goes off, and your date asks you who is messaging you, this person might be crazy and you should pay very close attention to it. This is just the beginning and that can manifest over time.
“While some questions like these are normal, and a part of getting to know each other, if they feel intense and excessive that may be a sign of trouble to come.”
3). This is rather boring and awkward (speak in mind NOT out loud):
Therapist Jeannie Ingram once told the Huffington Post that your date should show a balance of curiosity and interest in you as a person — which means they have to attentively listen.
“If they’re dismissive of you — or seem bored by what you have to say — it’s a red flag,” she said. “If the relationship launches and you’re together for a period of time, you want someone who, in a time of inevitable conflict, can listen to you with respect, kindness and curiosity. Bottom line: You want someone you can trust to treat you well on the first date and the rest of your life.”
According to councilor Suzanne Degges-White in a blog post for Psychology Today, even taking you to their favourite sports bar could be an early warning sign — especially if they spend more time watching the TV instead of listening to what you’re saying.
“If you don’t warrant his full attention on the first date, chances are that he’s made his priorities clear,” she said. “If you are as engrossed in the game as he is, this might be a good thing. If he leaves you feeling like you’re already on the losing team, you might need to decide if you want to go into overtime or just admit defeat and cut your losses.”
Be a good sport, play out the night and if you choose not to see the person ever again, then so be it.
4). Admits to “ghosting” people:
We can all relate to ghosting somebody who we had intended on meeting for the first time. Believe it or not, this is very common in the dating scene.
Ultimately, ghosting someone— i.e.: disappearing without so much as a text or call — shows an awful lack of respect. It’s what cowards do when they can’t face dumping you properly.
So if you’re on a first date, and the person sitting opposite you is telling you how they’ve ghosted people before (they may even brag about it) that’s a sign they probably won’t have much courtesy for you either.
It’s a big old red flag… please run for the nearest exit.
5). Who’s paying for dinner/Are we splitting the check:
The financial aspect of dating is much different for a first date than it is for a fourth or fifth date.
For example, most guys will pay for first dates, but some won’t pay or expect the woman to pay the bill or pay the whole tab including tip.
So to avoid situations like this, go prepared. Even if the man asked you out by offering to pay for dinner, bring enough money with you to avoid any embarrassment. Most men like to pull this “I forgot my card or wallet at home” stunt. Don’t fall for it because you have just been played.
You want to also be considerate of what you order. On a first date, try not to go for the most expensive item on the menu or order multiple courses and pricey drinks. By the end of the date, he may or may not be right for you. So it would be inappropriate to let him know before he spends his paycheck on you.
Also, be mindful of the restaurant You Pick. If the man asks you to pick the restaurant, choose a moderately-priced restaurant or find restaurant discounts and coupons. Don’t select an expensive restaurant, and don’t ask to go to a fast food restaurant, either. And don’t bring any coupons with you, that’s tacky!