Story time… We dated; We broke up; He invited me to his Wedding!

Hey beautiful! I know it has been a while since my last update so I figured I would hop on here to update you all about something that happened to me at the start of the pandemic.

Let’s just jump right into it… So after my semi-toxic breakup in March of 2019, I took some time to myself to reflect and to even list a few things of what I would want from my future partner (keep in mind, it was only a reminder, so that I wouldn’t forget). I went on a couple of trips and met this guy name ‘Fuego’ — not his real name — on some dating app. He seemed super cool, and I am talking, tall, dark, and handsome, and he was from the Islands. That was a plus in my book!

We chatted on and off for about a year, so it was only right that we met in person to seal the deal. I was being a fast a– if you ask me. We made plans to meet at my sister’s place on the 4th of July in 2020. It was just a small gathering, only because we were being cautious of all that was happening around us, “Covid-19”. The planning took place that same morning and we met later that evening. Our meeting was super chill and when I tell you, he was worth it. The dude was fine!!! Some things happened that night, but I’ll blame it on the alcohol and that’s all I’m going to say for now… shhh!!!!

This man said and did everything in the “ideal partner” handbook and sold me a dream, and to be honest, I believed it all.

I was naïve, I know… but I let it slide because I am that VIRGO, who will analyze and quickly move on when I smell BS. Anyhow, we decided that we wanted to see each other again, and it so happened to be the following day. Our Lunch date was lit and he kept reminiscing on what he did the night before… can we say part two? No sir, we’ll save that for our second month anniversary. At the time, Fuego worked in the medical field but made sure we spent quality time together.

No, we did not have sex… and although some transactions were made, he was a gentleman the entire time we dated.

Fuego was a breath of fresh air. He truly caught me off-guard and it was like he was God-sent. But the only concern I had was the fact that Fuego wasn’t financially stable and our dates were mostly covered by me including his TOLL. Yes girl, his TOLLLL!!! He made the efforts and I was ready to build an empire from the ground up. We spoke about investments and building a family of our own; “I want it all,” he said. “I want to show you that I’m not just any regular guy. I am that guy. I will prove it to you,” Fuego further explained. Still naïve, I tried my best to believe him.

We dated for about a month until I started to notice small changes in his attitude and the way he would hold and kiss me. These changes grew into something much bigger and eventually lead to the demise of our relationship.

Our text messages weren’t the same, and the energy was off. Like seriously, what happens when “how’s your week? How was your weekend” type messages on hinge after we respond to each other’s prompts or whatever comes first. But after that, Fuego didn’t even respond to the content of my messages as he would during a regular conversation (like “Cool!” or “sounds nice!” or “your cat names are so funny!”) – he only answered my questions and mostly talked about himself, and then he stopped asking me questions and continued to talk more about himself. I found out that I can either continue asking ‘conversational questions’ and he can continue to talk about himself without expressing any interest in me – or I respond to whatever he said without continuing to carry the conversation until it goes dead.

For example:

Him: Responds to my [text] with a joke.

Me: I respond back with a joke.

Him: “How’s ya weekend? Did anything fun?”

Me: Answers (and self-discloses enough that he could ask a question), but not enough to ask about, “how I was doing.”

Him: talks about [HIS] weekend.

Me: “Well, that’s awesome!” [inserts sarcasm] and asks a follow-up question.

Him: Answers my follow-up question, and does not ask me anything

Me: at this point, I usually continue the pattern of asking for some follow-ups while self-disclosing a little here and there (“I love baking too!”)

At this point, I started to reflect on the guys that I’ve come across in recent months/years, and people say energy attracts the same, but I am drained from giving people who aren’t worth my time, the time to disrupt my aura.

Back to the story at hand… Fuego and I decided to call it quits after I confronted him about being distant and obviously, he started to stutter and the lies were flowing like no tomorrow. It was also obvious that someone else was in the picture, but I have a very high self-esteem, and would not allow myself to mope over spilled milk.

Fuego decided to be Ms. Petty-Ann by playing the “block” victim. Yes, he sure blocked my number and kept it moving for 8 months. Apparently, he had been speaking to my sister for months before he finally reached out to me via WhatsApp, it was like he became bipolar — nothing made sense, and he had no recollection of what truly happened between us.

We met a few times but strictly as friends — some flirty happened — but I was still salty about how things had ended between us. During a Sunday boardwalk stroll, he finally revealed to me that he was getting married, then quickly joked about it. “Nah, I was just kidding,” he said. He then asked me about wanting to rent three white Royce’s for a video… knowing damn well it was for his wedding.

After that awkward conversation, Fuego (the great master manipulator and narcissist) and I didn’t keep in contact for about two months. On one cool Tuesday night in August 2021, I got a “Save the Date” wedding invite from Fuego, of course, I was surprised because at first, I thought it was a prank until I saw his partner’s name and after a quick google search, I found their registry and place of venue as listed on the invite. The wedding was set for October 2021. We actually talked about it and the past came up. He claimed we would remain good friends despite his marriage and all I said was, “I wish you both the best of luck.” I honestly believe that I may have dodged a bullet because long story short, both of them are struggling to keep the marriage alive from what was said to me. Girl!

Emotionally drained…

Now, would you have kept the communication going after all that mess or closed that chapter for good? Let me know in the comments below…