#ASKMILAN: I turned my husband into a B—y bandit…

Ladies, are you constantly trying to come up with new ways and tricks to keep your sex life alive in the bedroom? What if one day you suddenly introduced your husband to anal sex and he develops a craving for it? Well, that’s what happened to my best friend, Lisa, who is a Scorpio and enjoys sex and all that it stands for, and is willing to explore her freaky side along with sex toys.

One night, Lisa decided to introduce her husband, Michael, to anal sex and felt it was a great way to keep their sex life exciting and ALIVE. Explaining how it all went down, Lisa said the process wasn’t an easy one, as the preparation almost took the life out of her.

She told me that after watching countless YouTube videos on how to properly douche before having anal sex was hard but she wanted to make it happen. So to my fellow readers, I have a weird way of creating scenarios in my head of how things actually happen whenever someone explains their life experiences to me and this one, almost made me barf. 🤢

I was however intrigued to know more about how it went down from start to finish. So I asked Lisa to tell me in-depth details. She responded with;

‘First, I had to make a quick stop at CVS to purchase a six-pack.’

Me: ‘of beer?’ She said no, clarifying a six-pack of Summer’s Eve.

I responded, ‘Oh…. continue.’

‘It was a little embarrassing because the cashier had a smirk on her face once she saw the box and I really wanted to smack the smirk off her face but the holy-ghost kept me.”

Me: ‘LMAO…’

‘Once I got home, I was ready to drop it low and spread it wide.’

‘Let me not forget. I had read about this lube called “backdoor” which makes anal sex pleasurable. I made sure to order it.’

‘I am not going to lie, I may have gotten a little nervous while douching because I had issues getting the tip in and when it was finally in, I felt queasy and had shivers all over my body.’

“Not to gross you out, but I did it a few times and things were coming out…”

Me: ‘Girl stop… you can skip over those details.’ She laughed…. but I was dead serious about not knowing what was coming out of her backside.

Anyways, back to Lisa’s story.

‘After getting everything out of my system. Feeling light like a feather, I was ready to get it in with my boo. I threw something sexy on, played one of my bedroom playlists on Spotify and waited for him to come home.’

’20 minutes later, Michael was home. He hopped into the shower and I jumped on him the second he came out the shower wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around him. He had no clue what was about to go down. I know I should have probably talked to him beforehand but where’s the fun and excitement in that?’

Me: This is so juicy, **sips on my Moscato.**

‘We 69, sucked each other’s toes, and I tossed his salad.’

Me: “You did what? Lisa, I never knew you were that freaky. I’ve never tossed a salad, not sucked a toe but have had it done to me… best feeling ever.”

‘High five, and you are missing out my friend. Tossing salad and sucking toes is amazing!”

Me: “I highly doubt that, and we are NEVER drinking from the same glass again. Continue…”

‘LMAO… cut the dramatics. You crack me up.’

Me: I’m not joking bish… but okay.

‘Whatever lol, you still love me.’

Me: That is true… so can we continue?

‘… Okay, okay.’

‘We did the usual, put it in, and I ride for about 20 minutes until I rolled over and asked him to stick in my b–ty. I had already pre-lubed as instructed 15 minutes prior to Michael coming home so I was ready and wet.’

‘Let me tell you, I saw stars when he tried to slide it in the first few times. My eyes rolled back and toes curled up like I was having a seizure.’

‘After a few tries, he was finally in and he went so deep, I felt like I was going to die then he shortly came thereafter I began to feel pleasure.’

‘Michael literally came in 5 minutes and I was like, ‘NOOOOO!’ But what I came to realize is that not everyone will tell you about the aftermath of having anal sex for the first time. I was sore! I eventually found an article about soaking myself in Epsom salt to help with the soreness.

‘That actually helped a lot.’

Me: Girl, anal sex is not easy and people think it is. And luckily for you, Michael’s dingaling is average. **shade.**

‘My husband’s dingaling is perfect and it does the trick every time. Thank you.’

Me: Calm down, I wasn’t saying it didn’t girl. lol

‘Okay, you shady bish.’

‘But on a serious note, Michael is currently on a begging rampage. He wants back door pleasure every time we have sex and I honestly think I’ve created a b–ty bandit.’

Me: Wait? What? LOL, that’s the power of good b–ty. You done got this man hooked.

‘I don’t mind doing it here and there, but even when I’m asleep he’s trying to slide in. I swear I need to have a sit down with him. I’m also afraid he might step out.’

‘My husband is faithful, but for how long. Let me not speak that into existence.’

Me: Lisa, everything will be okay. Maybe if you do it twice a week. He would be satisfied?

‘Well, that I can do.’

Me: See, problem solved.

‘And this is why you’re my best friend. Now, can we go somewhere to eat.’

Me: Sure.

Hey readers, so that pretty much sums up my talk with my bestie and If you’re having similar issues, let us know in the comments below.

Happy Presidents Day!