Good evening beautiful people, I hope your Monday is off to a great start.
Let’s get right into today’s post. On Saturday evening, I met a very handsome guy whom I thought was single and ready to mingle but come to find out, he was happily married! That was a complete shocker and bummer because earlier in the day I was dancing around my room singing, “I got one, I finally got one.” Needless to say, I did find one, a MARRIED ONE, to be exact! I think the universe has a hidden agenda or something personal against me when it comes to my dating life because I’m constantly asking myself why I keep finding these men that are either broken, raised on survival (gold diggers) or taken.
However, I do remain optimistic by saying Cupid got someone special for me but they are just cooking him up to perfection. Ain’t that the truth… but in all reality that’s a sad way of thinking. Anyways, our first date lasted for about seven hours – I guess time flies when you’re having fun – and he was patient, funny, and let’s not forget HANDSOME. Dammit!
I am and will never be the person to break up a happy home, but I do question why are married men messing around with other people when they should be taking care of the home and their family. I came to find out things are usually complicated and can be caused by many different reasons such as “arranged marriage, unplanned pregnancy, pressure from family, etc.”
I’m going to call him James so I don’t get sued or in trouble for this story. While together, our conversation topics flowed as if we knew each other for a lifetime, but I kept saying to myself, he’s taken, he’s taken, he’s taken! And you’d think by the end of the night, I would have walked away not feeling guilty but I actually did. As the night progressed, I noticed the way James kept looking at me as if he had something he wanted to say but didn’t know how to come out and say it. So we grabbed food and on our way home, we were listening to Toni Braxton‘s “Hand Tied” and that song kicked off a whole wave of events. James’ left hand suddenly made its way over to my side of the car and took up residence on my thigh. I mean, I do have some thick thighs and they do say “thick thighs save lives.” Facts!
Did you know some primary risk factors within the marital relationship can also be a risk factor for cheating? Some of these include:
- Lack of communication
- Emotional and/or physical disconnect
- Low compatibility (people who married for the wrong reasons): Low compatibility can lead to a sense of “buyer’s remorse”
- Domestic violence and emotional abuse
- Financial pressures
- Lack of respect
However, I did feel a little uneasy because I knew this man is married and I am here encouraging his foolerywang. And to make his actions more known, he started to glide his hands across my thighs and said; “I like your body.” Oh, sheeet! I done caught me a married man, and why couldn’t this be like Jeopardy, I’ll take a sugar daddy for a thousand?! I guess we can’t always have what we want or how we want it in life.
And to end what was a perfectly imperfect night, a hug led to us lip-locking, and to be honest, it was the best kiss I ever had. James had me all hot and bothered. It was like eating the forbidden fruit and it tasted too good to stop.
Now the next day, I woke to feel somewhat bad about what transpired between James and myself, and after doing some research, I found out that there are also Secondary Reasons for Cheating. In addition to the primary reasons for cheating noted above, the secondary reasons include:
- The Internet: Having an affair, especially an emotional affair, is much easier than in past, and social media sites have been implicated in many affairs and divorces. Internet infidelity or “online cheating” is still cheating, even if the two people never met face to face.
- Pornography: While its role in marital infidelity has been downplayed, pornography is dangerous to marriage and has been demonstrated to be a “gateway” for some people. Unfortunately, pornography has become much more accessible on the internet.
Pornography can also test the faith of happily married couples, sometimes one partner wants to try new things in the bedroom and the other likes the way it’s been for the past 20 plus odd years. This can lead to the demise of a relationship, and can also make the sexually frustrated partner open to the idea of wanting to try out sexual encounters with the same sex. And it has been proven throughout the years.
- Opportunity: Periods of absence, whether traveling for work or serving in the military provide greater opportunity for an affair to occur. Not only do these absences allow a spouse to have an affair with little risk of being discovered, but the absence may lead to the loneliness and resentment often cited as reasons. While a long-distance marriage is not ideal, there are ways to keep your marriage strong when apart.
Poor Boundaries are another major risk factor. Poor personal boundaries, or the limits we place on other people as to what we find acceptable or unacceptable, can also increase the chance that an affair will occur. People who find it hard to say no (being overly compliant or “people pleasers”) may find themselves in an affair even if it wasn’t what they desired in the first place.
And with that being said, I’ve accepted my wrong, blocked him on all social media platforms, and moved the heck on. On the flip side, I’m still on my quest to find true love.