I know it’s been quite a while since my last blog post, but I have been extremely busy with dating (yes dating). Anywhooo, today I want to talk about my recent run-in with a guy who I truly believe is my soulmate but we’re definitely NOT sexually compatible.
I recently met Sam (not his real name) on a social dating app, he first hit me up of course, so we chatted and chatted for hours, it was like the conversation kept getting better and better and even at our respective jobs we still managed to text each other to find out how our day was going. Sam and I spoke about life, goals and aspirations, and even marriage. I got the chance to know this man in less than 24hrs — he’s definitely an open book and the conversation just flowed. I know it might sound crazy and seems like we’re moving too fast, but love waits for no one and I think cupid set me up “again” to take the bait. I am speaking from past relationships that failed due to “promiscuity.” FYI: I didn’t cheat, my exes did!
………………. This time around, it just feels right!
Back to Sam… Who needs to meet face to face when you have facetime? We, however, managed to arrange a dinner date three days later. We both showed up to this Asian and Japanese restaurant on 136 Christopher St., in Manhattan. The scene and lighting in the restaurant were perfect for our VERY first intimate date. We both showed up to the restaurant on time and as expected, the chemistry was spot on. The way [Sam] looked at me made me feel like a ditsy white school girl and I tried to contain myself but it was hard to do.
Let me get this out the way, we ordered a lot of food (darn near ordered half the food on the menu) and lots of red and white wine to compliment the date and to help keep the conversation alive. Good thing I didn’t drive to the restaurant because I wouldn’t be setting the right example and the courts are not open on the weekend. So as the night progressed, we found more and more things to talk about; anything from childhood (the good memories) and how we both got to where we are in life and where we see ourselves in the near future. It’s like this man knew everything about me before we even met, like an angel who watched over me since I knew life and understood my purpose and what I need to accomplish in life. A little creepy, but I was entertained.
When my last relationship ended, I came up with this crazy checklist for my next ‘victim’ and told myself I don’t care where cupid shoots his arrow but it needs to be on someone who has 50% checked off on this list; Good credit, good job with BENEFITS, want kids, goal and family-oriented, has a car, dresses nice and a hopeless romantic. And oh, TALL! I figured I just say that because the list is much longer. Yikes! Don’t judge me but it is, what it is.
But one thing that kept burning in the back of my mind and I felt like I needed to address it before we embark on a beautiful blissful journey down “LOVE” lane, was SEX. I needed to know how sexually compatible we were and if this is something that can be improved with time. Come to find out, WE WERE NOT, after he told me his sex drive is on 100 and I’m at an 8… like what the f*** is Sam doing that his sex drive is 100????
Get some wine because the sh*t I am about to tell you is straight-up scary. Sam explained that his first sexual encounter was so intense that his ex-girlfriend exposed him to several things that instead of saying “no” he was excited to try them all. Good thing I was drinking wine, so I was mellow and about to be nonchalant to the freakiness that I won’t be able to fathom. He said that as you can probably guess, there’s no single way how to be a freak in bed. Some people think anal sex is freaky, but you don’t necessarily need to be into anal to be a freak. In fact, it’s less about the specific acts and more about your attitude toward sexploration!
Now you see, this sh*t right here, got me thinking I am going to have to invest in numbing gel and slippery lubes, so when its time for this man to sneakingly pull this anal stunt in bed, I’ll be prepared and ready, ready!
“I love ‘anal sex,’ there’s no doubt in that, and I love when she bites into my balls from the back,” he said. Pause! Hold up one minute, is he gay? Just thinking out loud.
“I even like it when my girl “pegs me.” Now, you know I had to stop and ask him what does he mean by, “peg,” because this is new territory for me. “Being on the receiving end. I like toys in my a**.” There are a bunch of options when it comes to butt play and being freaky in bed. You might think of anal sex right away, but I like to start out with anal fingering with my partner or by myself. Plus, rimming is a super freaky thing that some people like including myself.”
Whew, chile. You can stop with the explanation Sam, and continue telling me about your freak number and how it all started.
Well, I love to have sex in the car or kitchen, especially when bae is making breakfast. We can even add toys to the mix. Perhaps watch porn together. All of those things can seem pretty freaky if you’re a do-it-in-the-bedroom-before-bedtime person which I am guilty of doing. However, I am always open to suggestions, which is the first step to being freaky in bed.
Sam explained that sex is all about pain and pleasure. It led me to believe that he was into bondage and BDSM. He said that “if you’re always down to try something new but only because your partner wants to, neither will get as much out of sex. It’s good to be willing and game, but if you’re not really enjoying sex, it can feel like it’s fake or all for show, and no one wants that.”
I told him that I wasn’t all that into sex but just the basics; a little oral, get on top and ride the waves, a little oooh’s and ah’s, then get off. He responded saying I should learn to enjoy sex for ‘myself.’
“You might not like everything you try, but most women can usually find something to enjoy during sex whether it’s the joy of being looked at, clitoral stimulation, oral sex or fantasizing in their heads,” he continued. “I may even take advantage of you when you’re deep asleep.”
Isn’t that considered rape? Moving on… It was starting to feel as if I was in a sex education class “101”, but the alcohol in my system was the only thing keeping me at the table and how attractive this man looked.
“Don’t just leave it to him to spice things up or initiate sex. Take the reigns yourself! Let your man know some freaky sex ideas you’d like to try, even if it seems a little out there. Chances are, he’ll think it’s hot that you’re contributing and will love seeing you so turned on when you do try it.”
Was he trying to tell me how to please him sexually? So many questions, but I just let him have the floor.
“My most powerful sex tricks and tips are to first give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually obsessed with you. I like when she takes control. Believe it or not, there are dangerous mistakes that will ruin your sex life and relationship, but master how to please me will get you a diamond rock.”
We were at the table for almost 2hrs and talking about sex can be difficult, especially with Sam, but the alcohol sure helped. This brings us to “confidence.” He went on to say that not everyone has hangups about their sexuality. Perhaps [I am] worried that my tummy being too round or that [I] don’t sound “hot enough” during sex.” Well, I told him that everyone has insecurities.
Your man is probably worried about the size of his penis and whether he can keep it up, even if he’s never had complaints in that department.
So take a deep breath and recognize that your flaws are magnified only to you and that you’re desirable. If that’s not enough, learn how to get over sexual anxiety once and for all. Otherwise, you probably won’t be game to try new things, and you’ll never learn how to be a freak in bed.
Sam, however, told me, he has a collection of toys and lubes and everything I will need for our sexcapades but not everything is about sex. He just wants us to have fun, GET OUT OF OUR ROUTINE, because a routine isn’t exactly good for a freaky sex life. In fact, some people might consider routine the antithesis of freaky sex. There are no rules about how to get out of a routine. Just make sure we’re having sex at different times and different places.
Cupid, you son-of-a-bi*tch!
Try a variety of positions. Chances are you’ll realize how often we have sex in the same way and at the same time. Sex probably starts in a predictable manner, too. Initiate sex in a different way than you always.
Sam didn’t quite explain all there is to know about him and his sexual endeavours but he said we’ll definitely explore as our relationship blooms. We ended the night with a passionate kiss and I went home blown away.