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Milan’s Advice: I am in love with a friend, who’s already in a serious relationship…

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black couple, friends to lovers, advice

Good morning beautiful people… Time to get candid!

So we all have that one crush that turns out to be either our closest friend, classmate or co-worker, but it’s not always easy to mess up a good friendship nor break-up a happy relationship just so that you can have that one special person all to yourself.

Here’s a little secret of mine. I am guilty of low-key being in love with my best friend who so happens to have a boyfriend. This girl (Lisa – not her real name) whom I fell in love with was already in love with a guy who was my friend too. Still, I decided to keep my feelings unknown until two weeks ago as I couldn’t suppress them anymore. To tell it without anyone looking around at me, I told her to talk to me for a while in the comfort of her living room. But we didn’t just get there so easily, we actually had a movie night planned with pizza and “alcohol,” which I call the truth serum. Before pouring out my feelings to her, we had about 4-5 glasses of Moscato and before you know it, we started to play around and she ended up on top of me. It was all fun and games until we kissed in which she said: “we can’t do this.” I responded, “I know.” I could have just said nothing more, but instead, I added: “Whatever I’m going to say shall not affect our friendship whatsoever based on your decision.” This way Lisa got an idea of what I may say to her. I told her,  “I know she’s going around with my friend but still she deserves to know something which I can’t suppress.

I eventually said those 3 magical words which she declined in a polite manner. You may not believe it but just after that incident we headed to the mall and carried on with our routine jokes as if nothing happened minutes ago. I felt so light inside after sharing my feelings with her. Today we may not be great friends but I don’t feel sad or hold any grudges against her. And we pass a smile to each other and exchange greetings and a few words if we ever bump into each other even though she is married to my friend now. The moral of this story is that if you are going through something similar, sometimes more than friendship, the suppressed feelings will kill you from the inside and its better to let it all out.

Believe it or not, telling someone something because “they deserve to know” does exists. Even when its too late to do anything about it. Of course, while you confess you have to keep in mind and actually say out loud that you no longer have plans of pursuing him or her, but that you respect their choice and that you’re not asking for anything – just for them to listen and know that you loved him or her but that as of now, you’ll just be a friend. Nothing more. Also, you should make it clear about your reason as to why you are telling them (assuming here that you’re a decent person who is telling the truth) and that’s it! Unless this friend of yours is a git who can’t appreciate such a statement, I don’t think you’ll have any major problems.

On the flip side, if you expect him or her to leave their lover for you (something I strongly disagree with) here are the possibilities:

  • He/she is unhappy with their relationship and considers you to be a possible romantic partner.  Revealing this information allows him/her to break off their existing relationship and choose you.  If your relationship fails it may be difficult to go back to friendship.
  • He/she is unhappy with their relationship and does not consider you to be a possible romantic partner.  Revealing this information isn’t likely to end up with you and her/him together, and the awkwardness may impair your friendship.
  • He/she is happy in their relationship and considers you a potential romantic partner.  He/she is not likely to leave her partner, but the friendship will likely be strained by romantic tension.  If her present relationship ends, you might have a chance at romance.
  • He/she is happy with their partner and does not consider you a potential romantic partner.  Revealing this information isn’t likely to end up with you and her/him together, and the awkwardness may impair your friendship.

So, what do you know about the happiness of their relationship?  Do you have any signs from him or her that show’s they are romantically interested in you? These are the two most important questions you should ask yourself if you are hoping to pursue a relationship with your friend. Keep the faith in Love & God. Whatever’s gonna happen, shall happen for the good. Hope my suggestion helps you. 🙂

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